Well, I remember the first day of class, sitting in my desk, feeling rather alone as I looked at all the innocent eyes of the students around me. Immature and young but fixed my eyes on the presenter. She spoke of spring flings, and made a creative gesture towards how she had two rabbits and lost them one day over spring. Spring Flings don't mean a thing she said. Her last words echoed in my subconscious. and now I can pull them out to say, they don't.
You have to dust yourself off and learn from it.
I never thought I'd be at this point of crying so hard I'm shaking like an elder with some disease. Or cringing from lack of dinner because will has left me no where.
But in the end all you have to blame is yourself.
It'll make me stronger
while I shed every miserable tear, I'll squeeze my pillow harder and dig my face in and yell at myself that I deserve it, to suck it up, because life isn't a picnic. To suck up every bit of pain and realize every tear just is reminder what a disgrace that you're still alive. Praising your sadness.
I'll be stronger I will.
I don't need anyone.
Anyone.
Just like no one needs me.
I'm not going to go running back to some other nigga after him, never have, never will. Once you love, you love no more.
Everyone's right- I'm right- all women are the same.
--
By now I didn't know what to say
not because I was guilty, because a strong part of me knew this seperation was unjust
but because of what was inside of me so hurt, so in love, it beleived every word he said.
Like having to fight someone in hazy fog with tears streaming down your face.
I started making up situations and stories in my head how bad of a girlfriend I was- Stories of how maybe I cheated on him or maybe I did this- bullshit stories. Making myself beleive false shit. I started hypnotizing myself as if soo many scenrios had happened to me being a whore.
But I wasn't a whore.
I knew for a fact I wasn't
My logic is starting to come out.
He does not know me.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Quotes from Lynne
Labels:
Lynne Quotes,
Nigger,
Quotes,
Sayings,
Silent Synapses
0
comments
Another addition to "Silent Synapses"
Just part 1 of quotes of mine.
My mom thinks they're all stupid because she thinks any philosophy that's not her's is bull.
I guess that's what I enjoy about the children's simplicity of mind. They never think something's wrong or impossible. There's always that inside them, no matter what if they want something they won't say to themselves that they can't have it or that they can't do it- they may not attempt to try and want someone to do it for them but they still have that mindset. They don't have those boundaries, those borderlines telling what has to be and what is to be. They create their own, or they simply have that need to find out for themselves. They think this or that is easy as that, and we always have to tell them it isn't- but maybe if we listened to them things are as easy as that. It is just as simple as that. Like my cousin asking if he can have freshly squeezed orange juice right there and then while holding two oranges in his hands along with an orange juicer and cup but his parents say "No, you can't have that right now. Only when we want to or when it's time."
Anyway,
Eh, I don't know, I don't think they are stupid, you're supposed to derive your own meaning from any quote somehow.
Quotes somewhat bother me though, how people use them to live their life and make that their life. Quotes are simply the words of others, not like they are the ancient spoken words of a God or whomever but just another human being as us. What we're supposed to do with other human being's words are to take that and somehow decipher it into our own meaning and learn from it. I find it foolish how we make other's words our life when we can make our own words our life, if we all have a different take on life, different personalities, shouldn't the words we live by be equally different? The words we speak?
Anyway,
Damn I keep getting off track with nonsense...
Here they are. Just short excerpts of thoughts I thought were worthwhile.
The list goes from recent at the top, to old at the bottom.
More to come.
Feel free to input constructive criticism.
"Irregular/distorted priorities are just distractions."
"I respect the wise, not my elders."
"The modern concept of age resembling higher or lower ranks, along with the concept of being in a certain grade or class making you more superior is just an outline of drilling Capitalism into the mind of youth. What makes one higher ranked aren't the things you cannot control like time (age), but how you control the USE of it."
"The best philosophers usually unintentionally don't follow by their own philosophies. Like a maid who is good at cleaning but whose own house is a mess or a psychiatrist who can get everyone's life together but their own, They can apply their golden beliefs to all but themselves. I have the best concepts that gets one thinking, but yet don't follow through with them myself."
"Like a video game- only if experience was measured in points doing simple tasks!"
"My phone, my phone, where are you phone? You've gone and lost your way from home."
"To my English teacher: I'm not much of a story-teller... more of a thought speaker. Third person never really appealed to me. Living through other characters or describing facts sapped my personal input directly through the work."
(Atleast for me this quote applies) "When you keep reminding yourself that others have suffered worse than when you have suffered for a worthless reason, it compels you to live up to the pain they endured- for a valuable reason."
"The only thing I want to document my existence is myself, not documents."
"You don't just wing it, you do it."
"I want to die trying, I'm not crossing the finish line walking." (Said while completing the run 2nd place... Ok fine, 16th place. Shit.)
"[The law of conservation of mass, also known as the principle of mass/matter ... The law implies that mass can neither be created nor destroyed] Therefore matter is reused or changed. From being recycled into new matter, it can only grow or contribute to growth as when an organism dies and aids the ground to fertilize it. Humans however, are quite selfish beings for even when we die we have a casket burial, the only thing we interchange is OX and CO2, we shed our cells in the comfort of our home and don't bother to help spread the seeds of trees and other plant-like organism from one place to another as we walk through. We're in our own little bubbles- even as we die our rotting corpses in a box don't hold any significance but sentimental beleifs with society. As selfish beings, we contribute or grow to nothing, all we do are created and destroyed as excess matter. We are unneeded and should/do not exist. We are the dead- we are not matter."
"Anyone's story can be sad if you listen from a perspective."
"It's not about things resembling something (on the outside), it's about it being something (on the inside)."
"What's all this fuss, about the whores and the sluts, all these hoes, just fuck them and leave them bro, that's all you need to know."
"Don't live up to anyone but yourself- because in the end that's the only person who will know how hard you worked to get to that title."
"When you don't go outside much, you tend to judge people and create their personalities in your own mind and classify them in general categories from assumption. When you actually go outside and meet and really get to know people you realize everyone is different and unique."
"What if ghosts are just people dreaming/sleeping. Everynight when they sleep they come as a ghost and have their adventure, just remembering glimpses as they wake."
"Blaming society for the way you act/how you think/how you are forced to act is like blaming the dealer for giving you drugs or blaming Mcdonalds for giving you food."
"The body sometimes gets sick from a vaccination because it's being injected by a weaker form the certain disease that it's trying prevent so the immune system can defeat the enemy and adapt. It's a virus injected into us- weak but not enough to kill us. Our problems in life are vaccines, preparing us for the real deal but it's not enough to kill us"
"Always take the bad and turn it ether into an adventure or a learning experience."
"Earth and people are bound by the laws of physics, not by the law of man." (My favorite Lynne quote)
"Sometimes life is just a puzzle in which you must figure out the difference between being moral and society's concept of being acceptable."
"War is not for the weak hearted."
Just part 1 of quotes of mine.
My mom thinks they're all stupid because she thinks any philosophy that's not her's is bull.
I guess that's what I enjoy about the children's simplicity of mind. They never think something's wrong or impossible. There's always that inside them, no matter what if they want something they won't say to themselves that they can't have it or that they can't do it- they may not attempt to try and want someone to do it for them but they still have that mindset. They don't have those boundaries, those borderlines telling what has to be and what is to be. They create their own, or they simply have that need to find out for themselves. They think this or that is easy as that, and we always have to tell them it isn't- but maybe if we listened to them things are as easy as that. It is just as simple as that. Like my cousin asking if he can have freshly squeezed orange juice right there and then while holding two oranges in his hands along with an orange juicer and cup but his parents say "No, you can't have that right now. Only when we want to or when it's time."
Anyway,
Eh, I don't know, I don't think they are stupid, you're supposed to derive your own meaning from any quote somehow.
Quotes somewhat bother me though, how people use them to live their life and make that their life. Quotes are simply the words of others, not like they are the ancient spoken words of a God or whomever but just another human being as us. What we're supposed to do with other human being's words are to take that and somehow decipher it into our own meaning and learn from it. I find it foolish how we make other's words our life when we can make our own words our life, if we all have a different take on life, different personalities, shouldn't the words we live by be equally different? The words we speak?
Anyway,
Damn I keep getting off track with nonsense...
Here they are. Just short excerpts of thoughts I thought were worthwhile.
The list goes from recent at the top, to old at the bottom.
More to come.
Feel free to input constructive criticism.
"Irregular/distorted priorities are just distractions."
"I respect the wise, not my elders."
"The modern concept of age resembling higher or lower ranks, along with the concept of being in a certain grade or class making you more superior is just an outline of drilling Capitalism into the mind of youth. What makes one higher ranked aren't the things you cannot control like time (age), but how you control the USE of it."
"The best philosophers usually unintentionally don't follow by their own philosophies. Like a maid who is good at cleaning but whose own house is a mess or a psychiatrist who can get everyone's life together but their own, They can apply their golden beliefs to all but themselves. I have the best concepts that gets one thinking, but yet don't follow through with them myself."
"Like a video game- only if experience was measured in points doing simple tasks!"
"My phone, my phone, where are you phone? You've gone and lost your way from home."
"To my English teacher: I'm not much of a story-teller... more of a thought speaker. Third person never really appealed to me. Living through other characters or describing facts sapped my personal input directly through the work."
(Atleast for me this quote applies) "When you keep reminding yourself that others have suffered worse than when you have suffered for a worthless reason, it compels you to live up to the pain they endured- for a valuable reason."
"The only thing I want to document my existence is myself, not documents."
"You don't just wing it, you do it."
"I want to die trying, I'm not crossing the finish line walking." (Said while completing the run 2nd place... Ok fine, 16th place. Shit.)
"[The law of conservation of mass, also known as the principle of mass/matter ... The law implies that mass can neither be created nor destroyed] Therefore matter is reused or changed. From being recycled into new matter, it can only grow or contribute to growth as when an organism dies and aids the ground to fertilize it. Humans however, are quite selfish beings for even when we die we have a casket burial, the only thing we interchange is OX and CO2, we shed our cells in the comfort of our home and don't bother to help spread the seeds of trees and other plant-like organism from one place to another as we walk through. We're in our own little bubbles- even as we die our rotting corpses in a box don't hold any significance but sentimental beleifs with society. As selfish beings, we contribute or grow to nothing, all we do are created and destroyed as excess matter. We are unneeded and should/do not exist. We are the dead- we are not matter."
"Anyone's story can be sad if you listen from a perspective."
"It's not about things resembling something (on the outside), it's about it being something (on the inside)."
"What's all this fuss, about the whores and the sluts, all these hoes, just fuck them and leave them bro, that's all you need to know."
"Don't live up to anyone but yourself- because in the end that's the only person who will know how hard you worked to get to that title."
"When you don't go outside much, you tend to judge people and create their personalities in your own mind and classify them in general categories from assumption. When you actually go outside and meet and really get to know people you realize everyone is different and unique."
"What if ghosts are just people dreaming/sleeping. Everynight when they sleep they come as a ghost and have their adventure, just remembering glimpses as they wake."
"Blaming society for the way you act/how you think/how you are forced to act is like blaming the dealer for giving you drugs or blaming Mcdonalds for giving you food."
"The body sometimes gets sick from a vaccination because it's being injected by a weaker form the certain disease that it's trying prevent so the immune system can defeat the enemy and adapt. It's a virus injected into us- weak but not enough to kill us. Our problems in life are vaccines, preparing us for the real deal but it's not enough to kill us"
"Always take the bad and turn it ether into an adventure or a learning experience."
"Earth and people are bound by the laws of physics, not by the law of man." (My favorite Lynne quote)
"Sometimes life is just a puzzle in which you must figure out the difference between being moral and society's concept of being acceptable."
"War is not for the weak hearted."
Hippie's Song
Labels:
Hippie's Song,
Silent Synapses
0
comments
I didn't know what to write. I wrote about 5 paragraphs worth of blog twice but thought it was all stupidity- I guess I'm not really much in the mood. tomorrow perhaps?
Here's old shit.
Whenever I've got writers block I'll just post some of my old notes from my phone and call it
"Silent Synapses" because I like tags like I like my nipples- long and confusing.
So if you want to read any of my old shit just search that tag.
Cock.
Still not sure why I'm speaking as if I am talking to an audience. This is mostly for myself so I can get my shit together, Tyrone, and have my ideas all in one place.
Here it goes- I'll use a somewhat old one from back in the day...
November 18, 2012 8:23PM
Directly From Lynn's Android
For Hippie after our reunion
(Don't actually show her this, she'll think you're gay)
[Verse 1]
Here's old shit.
Whenever I've got writers block I'll just post some of my old notes from my phone and call it
"Silent Synapses" because I like tags like I like my nipples- long and confusing.
So if you want to read any of my old shit just search that tag.
Cock.
Still not sure why I'm speaking as if I am talking to an audience. This is mostly for myself so I can get my shit together, Tyrone, and have my ideas all in one place.
Here it goes- I'll use a somewhat old one from back in the day...
November 18, 2012 8:23PM
Directly From Lynn's Android
For Hippie after our reunion
(Don't actually show her this, she'll think you're gay)
[Verse 1]
Not feelin that great
Even after this day
That i spent laughin the time away
I could sit here and pout
But I Know all about
That life of watching it all fade away
Even after this day
That i spent laughin the time away
I could sit here and pout
But I Know all about
That life of watching it all fade away
[Verse 2]
I'm not sure exactly why
But yet I am aware of time passing by
Feeling the old things come and go
Will it stay forever, i don't know
The change, I'm not sure how to adapt
Not Even the evelutionary success could explain that
But yet I am aware of time passing by
Feeling the old things come and go
Will it stay forever, i don't know
The change, I'm not sure how to adapt
Not Even the evelutionary success could explain that
[Rapping]
But I coul tell you the world's weighing her down
I could tell you that I am witnessing a part of her drown
But not like before
The friend I had who gone through so much shit
Will never know this song's about her and that i won't quit
The only one I would live up for, stand up straight, you can't ignore
The shit we had the shit we did
Watching her fit in
Is like a change,
you call it growing up, i call it being the same
I call it shedding a tear for the inwardly deceased
Of conformity, just a hollow body up for lease
by the next hit from the bong, her only escape
A spark and a shot to see past the bars to the landscape
To see her only venue
To see her only thought
To see the way she had turned
Had only brought
Another sense of loss even within myself
Seem to die and fade, a sense of growing up dwellt
I had realized it was us,
Allowing ourselves to grow up
But the definition of such
Isn't very much
But just seeing the lines and not seeing past them
By dismissing the thought that maybe Atlantis is there
Or maybe that the idea to see the cycle of life just a square
To have faith in beleiving we're not so clean-cut
that maybe statistics
Are bullshit balastics
That maybe our life
Doesn't mean growing-up
It means living-up
To our goals and dreams
And all these capitalist classes inbetween
Are being told where to stand
Our limits, our brands
Not beleiving the idea of chance
To watch one be against something so strong
But yet go along
Makes me cry and wonder why and how
To turn this around
But i speak this sad story and I hear my own sound
I gaze at this tragic tale and i see my own refletion
She's not the only one conforming to this dimention
I could tell you that I am witnessing a part of her drown
But not like before
The friend I had who gone through so much shit
Will never know this song's about her and that i won't quit
The only one I would live up for, stand up straight, you can't ignore
The shit we had the shit we did
Watching her fit in
Is like a change,
you call it growing up, i call it being the same
I call it shedding a tear for the inwardly deceased
Of conformity, just a hollow body up for lease
by the next hit from the bong, her only escape
A spark and a shot to see past the bars to the landscape
To see her only venue
To see her only thought
To see the way she had turned
Had only brought
Another sense of loss even within myself
Seem to die and fade, a sense of growing up dwellt
I had realized it was us,
Allowing ourselves to grow up
But the definition of such
Isn't very much
But just seeing the lines and not seeing past them
By dismissing the thought that maybe Atlantis is there
Or maybe that the idea to see the cycle of life just a square
To have faith in beleiving we're not so clean-cut
that maybe statistics
Are bullshit balastics
That maybe our life
Doesn't mean growing-up
It means living-up
To our goals and dreams
And all these capitalist classes inbetween
Are being told where to stand
Our limits, our brands
Not beleiving the idea of chance
To watch one be against something so strong
But yet go along
Makes me cry and wonder why and how
To turn this around
But i speak this sad story and I hear my own sound
I gaze at this tragic tale and i see my own refletion
She's not the only one conforming to this dimention
[Final Verse]
I look at my mind
Now i see why
How come I can't leave the past behind
But I need to hold on
Because the future is wrong
And I will never let this pattern unwind
Now i see why
How come I can't leave the past behind
But I need to hold on
Because the future is wrong
And I will never let this pattern unwind
Saturday, December 29, 2012
All about you
Welcome to your page, babycakes :]
This is your page, its all about you. You can express yourself any way you like; poems, drawings, artwork, projects, and the entire world can see:)
Customize everything to your liking, and play around with some of the features. Stay active on your blog, so I can read about your day and feelings and everything.
I love you:)
Enjoy your hike beautiful. I love you.
Yours forever,
Bunnycakes
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