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Well, I remember the first day of class, sitting in my desk, feeling rather alone as I looked at all the innocent eyes of the students around me. Immature and young but fixed my eyes on the presenter. She spoke of spring flings, and made a creative gesture towards how she had two rabbits and lost them one day over spring. Spring Flings don't mean a thing she said. Her last words echoed in my subconscious. and now I can pull them out to say, they don't.

You have to dust yourself off and learn from it.

I never thought I'd be at this point of crying so hard I'm shaking like an elder with some disease. Or cringing from lack of dinner because will has left me no where.

But in the end all you have to blame is yourself.

It'll make me stronger
while I shed every miserable tear, I'll squeeze my pillow harder and dig my face in and yell at myself that I deserve it, to suck it up, because life isn't a picnic. To suck up every bit of pain and realize every tear just is reminder what a disgrace that you're still alive. Praising your sadness.
I'll be stronger I will.

I don't need anyone.
Anyone.

Just like no one needs me.

I'm not going to go running back to some other nigga after him, never have, never will. Once you love, you love no more.

Everyone's right- I'm right- all women are the same.

--

By now I didn't know what to say
not because I was guilty, because a strong part of me knew this seperation was unjust
but because of what was inside of me so hurt, so in love, it beleived every word he said.
Like having to fight someone in hazy fog with tears streaming down your face.

I started making up situations and stories in my head how bad of a girlfriend I was- Stories of how maybe I cheated on him or maybe I did this- bullshit stories. Making myself beleive false shit. I started hypnotizing myself as if soo many scenrios  had happened to me being a whore.

But I wasn't a whore.

I knew for a fact I wasn't

My logic is starting to come out.

He does not know me.